Lousy Traumatic Pasts….


I’m conducting an interview with two of the comic book industry’s most notorious vigilantes: Batman and Frank Castle. I want to see what motivates these terrifying men on why they do what they do. Sure, there isn’t as much crime, but at what price to society?

Me: Batman, could you introduce yourself, let us know a little bit about your past?

Bats: Sure. I grew up in an affluent family, well cared for and well loved. I’m not going to reveal my family name, as I need to protect my identity. One night, they were shot down in cold blood in front of my young eyes.

(brushes away a tear)

Bats: (after a pregnant pause) I vowed to them that I would avenge them. That I would defend the defenseless…

Me: That’s very noble of you. I appreciate the thought behind your actions, but haven’t you caused more mayhem in your fair city than you’ve solved?

Bats: No! Of course not! Look, the Joker was going to go all sick house on everyone. I just happened to be the one that he fixated on.

Me: Uh sure….anyway, how do the cops view your relationship with the Commish Gordon?

Bats: Some of them don’t like it; ours is a forbidden love. Oh wait, did I say that out loud. Just joshin’. In all seriousness, the only cops that don’t like the fact I hang around his office are the ones that I bust for corruption. Funny how that works out.

Me: Thanks for the interview. It’s been most enlightening.

Me: Now, Mr. Castle, I ask you to introduce yourself.

FC: I’m not Castle any more. I am the mother@#$@’ing Punisher. Unlike Battyboy, I kill who I hunt down. The people who slaughtered my wife and kids showed them no mercy. I show their ilk no mercy in return.

Bats: So you’re saying YOU’RE better than me just because you kill bad guys?

FC: I didn’t say that, but now that you’ve brought it up….I think I am. After all, Marvel beats the hell out of DC.

Bats: Ok. That’s it. DC signs my paycheck, so this means war.

(Guns and fists go ablazing…)

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Posted on October 21, 2007, in Comic Book Related, I'm not CRAZY!, Pop Culture. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. But really…

    Marvel does beat the hell out of DC.

  2. “Marvel beats the hell out of DC” Awesome line!

    See the cover of XMen # 204 coming out this week?

  3. It’s AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

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