Monthly Archives: June 2008

Family…Can’t Live With them, Can’t Make Them Go Away

Here’s all the diagnoses that I’ve been branded labeled with : social anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, some post traumatic stress, trichotrillomania, and a moderate to severe fear of abandonment. I guess you could say I’m a bundle of nerves, a real live wire. I can handle my problems, most of the time, but sometimes the pressure to manage the outer turmoil of real life just makes me go, “AHHHHHHHHH!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!! (Except you, Officer Todd*. You can “arrest” me anytime you want…ooops did I say that out loud?)

The social anxiety disorder and agoraphobia is a winning combo, by the way. I hate having a double whammy like that. The panic attacks and general neurotic behavior make me….unpleasant to be around or to deal with.

Oh yeah, I also tend to regress whenever I’m around my parents for any length of time. I turn into a child eager to please and afraid to be left alone. ESPECIALLY WITH MY STEP MOTHER. I know why I regress and I feel it’s not a very good excuse. (If you really want to know, go read the About page located at the top of this site. I’m sure you can figure it out. I have faith in you.)

Thing is, whenever I DO try to assert myself as an adult,** my mother usually ends up ticked and we start an all out feud that would make any brawling family on the Jerry Springer show proud of us. It’s easier to use these strategies: A) Go along with what she’s saying and keep my opinions to myself. B) Avoid visiting with my parents. Because of the high price of gas, B has been my option. It was a strategy that worked well–until today.

Yeah, my parents are coming down today. My mom is going to sleep over at her brother’s place and dad is coming over to MY house. (My step aunt is highly allergic to smoke, therefore Dad has to stay with me.) Yippee.

(FYI, If I don’t post this weekend, it’s because I’m busy hiding from entertaining my parental units.)

I love my parents, don’t get me wrong, and I try to be a good daughter in the ways I can be. But we do not have many interests in common. Anyway, I hope I survive the weekend, and if I can sneak on and update, I will.

* Name changed to protect the handsome and manly. He doesn’t read this blog, but Saunya knows who I’m talking about.

**Usually because she wants me to go to church and I refuse to go and make a hypocrite out of myself. Believe me, NO one will get me to do what I really don’t want to do–not even my folks. Plus, I don’t like being stuck in the middle of a crowd. She doesn’t get (or chooses not to understand) the definition of social phobia.


I had an odd dream;  I dreamt I was a nun.  And it’s not the first time either, nuns seem to be a recurring dream theme with me. I don’t know why, I’m not a Catholic (lapsed Lutheran).  Nor am I looking to convert  to the Catholic Church–I disagree on a few issues that the Church teaches–issues that it insists is the Truth. (The louder a religion proclaims its dogma is the Truth, the more I’m inclined to politely ignore it.) And there’s the whole accept everything in the catechism on blind faith–that’s a post in and of itself. Yet, I’m still fascinated by it.   Catholism is a rich, historically so, faith and I like reading about religion. Well, if I’m to be truthful, I enjoy reading about all religions, actually.  I want to learn and grow from anything I read. But I …you got it…digress.

The dream was actually nice. It was serene.   I remember that my “dream” self was walking in a line up to the altar with more black and white clad ladies, I mumbled something and shuffled off. I think there was more to the dream, but I can’t recall…it’s sort of foggy now. I remember the feeling of utter peace and contentment … and something else, something so loving and strong, that I felt enveloped by it.  I wish I knew how to describe it.

Now, I realize (or strongly suggest) that my mind has transposed the image of the nun to be a spiritual symbol, so don’t worry–I don’t feel that I’m being called to be a nun.  I do think my dream is a challenge to be more spiritual, to have faith in something larger than myself.  Maybe it’s time to heal what I can of the remnants of my faith, since the rest of me seems to have mended.  I think it’s a call to return to the innocent person I used to be, shedding the harsh scales of bitterness and suspicion.

P. S Sorry for the general crappiness of my posts lately.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with inherent and inalienable rights; that among these, are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed; that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.

Declaration of Independence

That includes gays, minorities, other religions…..every citizen has the inalienable right to happiness and life.  And it says right in the Declaration that if we’re not happy with the government, that we should rise up and “alter” the government.

Let’s go V for Vendetta on the establishment, which is clearly not working. And certainly only hurting the common people with its willingness to put our great grand children into debt.


You heard Thomas Jefferson. Let’s get off our butts and save our country!

‘Roid Rage

So I just saw The Incredible Hulk…and loved it. It was a fun escape from the toils and tribulations of this workaday world.

It’s completely different from Ang Lee’s version–Ang Lee tried to present a more cerebral vision of the brawny green giant and that didn’t exactly pan out. I guess one shouldn’t overthink a character that loves to say, “Hulk SMASH!” That movie, despite its flaws, was beautifully crafted.

This reincarnation of the Hulk is much more in line with America’s fast paced ideas of how a movie should be.

There were plenty of ex-plo-see-ions and a wee bit of romance. Liv Tyler, gorgeous despite her father’s genes, was under utilized and the believability of her character was wilted with lines like: “Don’t do it, Dad.” Maybe her character was supposed to be ineffectual, or maybe I’m just used to spunkier heroines.

The CGI was wonderful. I could see every single pore on the Hulk’s spinach (mmmm….spinach) skin. The expressions, mostly varying degrees of rage but a few sad/tired ones as well, were extremely well detailed. The acting was great as well; Edward Norton pulled off Banner quite nicely. Tim Roth and William Hurt made me really not like their characters, so I suppose they did their jobs.

A few downsides? Well, a couple of the scenes felt cut off too soon, and I was hoping for a certain cameo (Captain America) that I had heard about, but it got cut from the movie. Darn it.

All in all, The Incredible Hulk is a fan-frickin-tastic movie. I liked Iron Man better, but this is definitely one movie that I’ll add to my DVD collection. Provided our economy–and civilization–is still around in a few months.


I want one of these so bad.  (You’ll have to read the online comic to understand. Go read, fellow comic book fiends. I’ll wait.)  For the rest of you, it’s a plushie of my second favorite homicidial manic.  Think of him as a magic using Dexter.

Why Do I Attract the Unbalanced?

I know that mentally ill people are fully deserving of being treated like normal people (including both good and bad aspects).  I’m not the most stable of people myself, so I don’t want to sound like I’m putting mentally/emotionally disabled people down. I’m not.  Although I may come across as crabby on occasion, I make every attempt to be civil and polite to everyone.  Especially to those more in need of understanding.

But, you know that saying: One out of four people are crazy.  If all your friends are normal, TAG! you’re the one that’s IT.  Well, the reverse is true for me.  All my acquaintances are crazy and I’m the sane one.  (Yeah, except for you, Saunya.)

Case in point, my ex-girlfriend called my work today (Note, really it was Tuesday.), wanting to talk to me.  I decided to take the call against my better judgement, wondering if she was in trouble–again–and if her daughter needed help.  (Ok, ok, so I secretly love kids, though I’m of mixed thoughts on any of my own.)

She told me she loved me and wanted me back, that she couldn’t stop thinking about me. Read the rest of this entry

Working 15 hours overtime in one week….Not having a good time.  I’m really tired.  Hope to post tomorrow. 

200TH Post Spectacular!

Actually, this is my 1000+ post in my entire blogging career, but my 200th here at WordPress. My mind is going in 300 directions at once, so strap yourself in and feel the G’s!

Some Thoughts and Observations:

~The oil companies are gleefully pillaging our wallets. It has occurred to me that we are indeed living in a feudal state, with the corporations taking the place of the lords and barons of old. And you can guess who the serfs are. Us. Anyway, the oil companies know that Bush (an oilman himself, surprise, surprise) is on the way out and they also know their days as an energy source are numbered.

Even Saudi Arabia says current oil prices are unjustified.

I say that we, or as many Americans that can do it, boycott the oil companies for a week. Find alternate transportation. Take a bike. Carpool. (Yeah, I know Europe has worse gas prices, but that continent has a better mass transit system set up.)

Most importantly, let’s get our cars off gas. It’s bad for the environment and bad for the checkbook.

~Credit cards are inherently EVIL. Read the rest of this entry

What I Got?

Here’s a brilliantly written song by some of the greatest minds rap has to offer. *cough*  Commentary by me! Song is abridged because of monotony time constraints.

I peeped you on the phone
Just showin’ off ya stones
And notice that that pinky ring is bright enough baby

I know you’re not alone
But I could just be wrong
The way them fellas houndin’ and sizin’ you up baby

Me: I’m imagining a woman with bubble gum pink lips and tight clothes. She looks pretty but too artificial with those glue on nails and hair extentions. The boobs, though, are quite real. The only hot topics she wants to discuss is the “philosophy” of playin’ a playa and decheesing them. (Or however the young kids are talking nowadays.)


And I like the way you take advantage of
Every man you love
I see, and I know your game girl
But I don’t mind if ya come and play ya thug
Just don’t talk too much
I see, you’re so cute you don’t have to say a word

Me: I would say that she doesn’t love a man if she wants to take advantage of them. And what’s wrong with the singer if he likes it? And what’s with him wanting her to keep her mouth on the down low?

Err…I think that last part came out wrong.

Yeah those guys wanna come treat ya right
Cause you’re sweeter than apple pie
Everything that you want you got
Girl you know that you need to stop
Most beautiful thing in sight
Always takin’ on the spotlight
Always in the club lookin hot
Girl you know that you need to stop

Me: Hmmm. Sweeter than a poisonous apple pie made by Snow White’s Stepmother, maybe. She’s starting to sound like a little brat.


Always talkin’ bout what you got (Eh)
Always talkin’ bout what you got (Eh)
Always talkin’ bout what you got (Eh)
Girl you know that you need to stop
Always talkin’ bout what you got (Eh)
Always talkin’ bout what you got (Eh)
Always talkin’ bout what you got (Eh)
Girl you know that you need to stop

Me: (Yawn) Couldn’t there be more variation in the chorus like

Always talkin’ about what you got

Hopefully your hot ass won’t get shot

By some chick whose man you stole

She’ll laugh as off to the hospital you’ll roll

(Verse 2) Colby O’Donis

Girl I can tell you want something to love
That’s why you hold on to everything that pass you by
Can’t resist girl one can’t lie
Now tell if you are here for me
Or everybody watchin’ you shake from left to right
The way you move got me hypnotized

Me: No. She doesn’t want love.  She wants someone to be co-dependant on. Someone who will pay her $30k credit card bill. And she’s hoping her boo-tay will land her a rich dude.

And kids today call this a good song.  

The Punisher War Zone Trailer

Everyone that reads this blog knows that I love me some gun toting, bear punching, mafioso killing, bullet spitting Frank Castle.  Some aspects of the trailer make the new movie look good. Still unsure, but willing to give it a shot. 

The link to the movie is here.