Monthly Archives: May 2009
I had a sneaking suspicion about my diabetes diagnosis even before I went it. It’s in my family history…grandparents had it, my dad has it, a uncle or two have it… so I knew there was a strong likelihood I’d get it.
But, I went through the stages of depression and anger this week–sad at first, then I got angry. Even at my roommate, who tried to help me understand how to load the lancet. I yelled, I cried, I hid in my room until I figured out what was bothering me. (I now just stick myself. It’s easier, but hurts a little more.). I blamed blame myself for getting it. I could take the easy route and curse my genetics, which has undoubtedly contributed to it, but that would basically be immature of me and would show an unwillingness to cope with diabetes. And I have to be willing to cope with it to get it under control.
I have been crying off and on all week—-I think it’s being caused by my high blood sugar (230!!!). Those in the know will acknowledge how dangerous that is. It really ain’t good.
Now, I am, more or less, ok. I don’t have enough money for test strips until next Friday, so I’m just testing once a day. (My doctor, bless her heart, gave me a monitor with two weeks’ worth of strips.)
I know the previous post wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea, and I’m sorry if I let anyone down. I haven’t had much experience in that area, so I kind of had to make things up as I went along. I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intent to put forth something bad, I just wanted to do create heat, an intimacy, a sense of love between two characters.
I have no idea how to do that….ugh. Oh well. I must find a research partner. And I will. Sooner or later.
I had such a sense of loneliness, of being abandoned, that I just broke down and cried. I know that I am a wuss. I told myself I was being stupid, being clingy, but I couldn’t help but feel that way. I felt ….lost and adrift here in my dinky little trailer. I haven’t felt so …craptacular in a long time.
I think I’m letting myself be vulnerable again. That, in the long haul, is a good thing.
Tomorrow I have the consult with doctor to begin diabetic edu-ma-cation.
People can unpredictable at times. Edit: MOST of the time. It’s hard to ascertain by a person’s words about their true motive. I have a motto that can be applied here: Don’t give me pretty words, give me action, dammit. I have been let down too many times to simply just take someone’s word. I need action. I need to SEE what you have promised, then I will begin to have faith in you. I don’t tend to interfere or remind people either, I let themselves hang with their own rope. They rise and fall in my esteem due to their own merits. Maybe that’s harsh, but hey, it works for me.
There’s only one way to tell about someone’s authenticity. (Well, besides become a telepath. Any one have radioactive goo laying around so that I can perhaps TURN into a psychic?). Time. Time will let you know if someone is genuine.
Take the time to poke around someone’s character and actions. Don’t be paranoid or mistrustful; just be cautious.
Be picky when it comes to friends. Be pickier when it comes to choosing a partner.
I do have diabetes. (I go back for an educational consult next Wednesday. Woot.) I think I need to take a couple of days off. I am so so sorry that I haven’t responded to email. Don’t give up on me; I’m just rather depressed and worried at the moment.
I will be back. Probably by Saturday or Sunday.
I took a health screening today at work, got my finger pricked. And whee! They say I have diabetes. Which kind or how severe it is, I don’t know yet. Probably pretty bad. And I also have hypertension! Woot!
Seriously, I’m in bad shape.
I might even get so sick…
I might have to take insulin shots.
Well, I’m going to have to go to my real doctor and get some bloodwork done.
Time is ephemeral
Fleeting at best
Slipping through fingers
That wrinkle with Age
Live life to the fullest
Smile as wisdom flows
Through your veins
The best is yet to come
Fretting about things not done
Is futile and self defeating
Take cheer in accomplishments
And learn from failures that hurt
–Written by R