About

I don’t like biographies. I simply do not know how to talk about myself when it comes to relating facts to my readers. Sure, I mention what has happened to me, but I mostly discuss my thoughts on the world at large.

I guess I could describe my life, as experienced up to now, in three “easy” to swallow acts. I’m keeping many details out of the spotlight, as they do not need to be gone over. I do not regret what I’ve done or what I’ve accomplished. I would not change one single event, good or bad, that has happened to me. I am proud to be the person I am today.

Nor am I attempting to garner sympathy. These are facts that I’ve already gone over before in my other blogs.

Act I
Mother left me when I was a baby. I didn’t feel the loss until I was 29. Guess I was numb, but I decided I am ok with it now.

I had a tough time adjusting to school. I would often rebel and act out. It wasn’t that I was stupid, I just hated school. I wanted to learn on my own, without people telling me what I should and shouldn’t do.

I wanted to be a scientist. Then a writer from the age of eleven.

I met Saunya. We were such geeks that we had writing parties. We still do. When we were in High School together…what a blast! Think Romy and Michelle.

Act II

I survived rape, though perhaps a part of a person never does make it through that situation. I share this because I want women to know that it is possible to have a good life and that there is no shame (for the victim).

Went to Job Corps. Twice. Once for Business/Clerical, the second for Medical Assisting.

Act III

Got an excellent job. More friends, moved on with my life. I came to the conclusion that life is worth living and while love doesn’t exactly conquer all, it makes existance bearable. Began blogging in March ’03.

I decided that I need to be particular about the people I communicate with online.

Oh, and this blog’s name is derived from one of those ancient Norse warrior maidens/angels. I took it because I want to be a strong woman also. And aerie? It’s a place of rest.

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  1. You’re very strong…Valkyrie is a great archetype for you!!

  2. First of all, thank you for dropping by my blog, and for your great comments! I appreciate your taking the time to add to the discussion, and I hope you’ll drop by more often!

    Second, as I read your bio, when I hit upon the words “I would not change one single event, good or bad, that has happened to me,” I instantly knew what you meant.

    I won’t go into all the gory details, but suffice it to say that my life’s path could have been a whole smoother than it has been. Like anyone else, I am sure I have made my share of mistakes (probably MORE than my share, if truth be known) & I have caused myself as much pain as I have at times accused the world of causing me. The older I get (which will be 46 as of Oct 17), the more I begin to understand that it has been ALL my life’s experiences (good & bad) that have made me the person I am becoming. It really doesn’t matter, I guess, if I DID want to change any part of my life (which I do not), because we can’t undo history, can we?? I have finally figured out that if I spend my life regretting the past, then that’s what I’ll be doing for whatever time I have left on this big blue marble in space, and I refuse to let that time be wasted in even more pain & more regret. It’s (past) time I get on with it. If I can’t change past events & re-cast my life in a better light, what’s the use in wishing I could??? Sometimes in life, all we get is a lesson…and maybe not even a lesson we like. Sometimes we learn what NOT to do next time. Sometimes we have to take a look at the scars we’ve collected in our lives & use them as reminders of where we’ve been & what we can never do or allow ourselves to ever become again. At least that’s what I try to do.

    I’m not always successful at learning life lessons, and sometimes I fall off the proverbial horse again & again before I get it right. That’s just me. I’ve begun to understand that I’ve got to be patient with me. Not an easy thing for someone who wants so much for the second act to be better than the first.

    As much of a non-sequitir as it may seem, when I was a kid, I remember a TV commercial for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (ya know, The Mormons, as we uninitiated call them) that runs through my mind every now & again (like now 🙂 that I am trying to make part of my life philosophy (inasmuch as I have a life philosophy). I almost remember the tagline of the commercial word for word. It goes, “As you teach your child to love the world, teach him to love himself. That’s where real love begins.” I know that Mormons don’t really care for people like me, but God allowed these people to plant a seed in my heart way back then that has now come back to “haunt” me (in a good way).

    I’ve hated myself so much for so many years because of the huge lie I allowed my so-called life to become. I was so very sick (spiritually-speaking) & unable to move beyond the hole in which I found myself. Only in these past few years of post-closet living & finding my way back to me–the REAL me–have I begun to understand that I am worth loving & that life is worth living. Sounds like a pretty simple idea to grasp, doesn’t it?? The problem is I never, ever believed it until I decided that no one was going to make things better for me BUT me!

    There is more to the story, of course, involving my faith & the abandonment issues I am still working on where Christians are concerned, but–to make a long story short (I know–TOO LATE, right!! :-)–when I think about it, like you wrote, I am beginning to like who I am becoming. It’s taken a good long while & I am still working on it, but who knows how my life might have turned out if I had changed one moment? I will never know, but I do know that who I am now is someone who appreciates the life of freedom I have only because I know what a life in hiding really is. I am thankful for what little I have in life because I know what it’s like to have nothing…and I know the value of loving yourself because I’ve so deeply hated the thing I used to be.

    It’s so easy to wish I could wipe away those memories. It’s tempting to try & tuck them away in the recesses of my mind & my heart, but I know now that the ugliness serves a purpose, and my dark memories of the agony of living a non-life can help speed the healing.

    As (one of my musical heroes) Dolly Parton once said, “If you want to enjoy the rainbows, you’re gonna have to stand a little rain.”

    For me, the storm has (mostly) passed & I am so ready for my rainbow!

    Thanks for listening!

    Clarence
    🙂

  3. Very enlightening. I can see why dmarks sent me here to you. I am at the place where I am trying desperately to heal and get to the point where you and Clarence up there are. I’m getting closer. I have loose ends to snip off. A painful process.

    Thank you for sharing these things. Especially that you can grow strong again.

  4. I won’t go into all the gory details, but suffice it to say that my life’s path could have been a whole smoother than it has been. Like anyone else, I am sure I have made my share of mistakes (probably MORE than my share, if truth be known) & I have caused myself as much pain as I have at times accused the world of causing me. The older I get (which will be 46 as of Oct 17), the more I begin to understand that it has been ALL my life’s experiences (good & bad) that have made me the person I am becoming. It really doesn’t matter, I guess, if I DID want to change any part of my life (which I do not), because we can’t undo history, can we?? I have finally figured out that if I spend my life regretting the past, then that’s what I’ll be doing for whatever time I have left on this big blue marble in space, and I refuse to let that time be wasted in even more pain & more regret. It’s (past) time I get on with it. If I can’t change past events & re-cast my life in a better light, what’s the use in wishing I could??? Sometimes in life, all we get is a lesson…and maybe not even a lesson we like. Sometimes we learn what NOT to do next time. Sometimes we have to take a look at the scars we’ve collected in our lives & use them as reminders of where we’ve been & what we can never do or allow ourselves to ever become again. At least that’s what I try to do.
    +1

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