Scream 4

This isn’t a bad movie.  Not the most resounding endorsement, I know, but it is a good, solid movie with believable characters and a fairly coherent plot.  Well, for a horror movie.  Plus, the beginning sequence was just awesome.  You’ll need to have a decent attention span to not get lost, but it is GREAT.

It got me thinking as to what makes a horror movie good:

A social message.  All the classic horror ones do.  Friday the 13th advocated no sex or drugs, for example.

Interesting characters (so you care if something happens to them, makes the movie more powerful).

A genuine scary ass villain.

It’s interesting to see Sidney finally be her own person, this generation’s Laurie Stroud.  She’s not paranoid, like Laurie, but she’s a strong character nevertheless.  My favorite characters are Dewey and Gale Riley.  They seem like such an odd, but good couple.  And even though they may be separated in real life, there is an obvious amount of affection between them.

Overall, I’m satisfied with the movie.  There was gore, there were a few chills (I’m pretty desensitized to it now) and  just a well made film for its kind.

Eulogy for Mel Gibson’s Career

I used to like Mel and his acting–used to think he was a good actor and all around good guy. I loved Mad Max. I loved the Thunderdome. Braveheart was a good movie. And who doesn’t appreciate the Lethal Weapon movies?

I put him into my dislike pile of celebrities when he got pulled over and made an anti-Semitic remark. Those kind of things don’t sit well with me. Sorry, unreasonable hatred …that I can and will not tolerate. Especially over little things…like race..that are unchangable. We’re born like we are for a purpose. Diversity

But this…rant against his ex-girlfriend? I don’t know if you’ve heard it, but it is hateful. And ugly. And the ravings of a unhinged man. I agree with this lady. He needs help and a date with some thorazine. He is not well in the head and could hurt the woman he is angry with. He is a sick, hurtful individual. (Who hates Jews, Blacks and white women that dress provocatively, asking for a pack of …[derogatory word for brothas] to chase after her.)

Not a good guy. Or a sane one.

Goodbye Mel. Enjoy your retirement in some mental health facility.

The Bella From Hella

I really don’t understand why the Twilight saga is the epitome of what love is to so many young women…and their moms for that matter. It’s pure and utter bullshit. You’d think that older women would have the maturity and/or mental acuity to see that obsession is different than love. (Much, much different.)

Edward is a fucking crazy creep, Jacob is probably the character I like most, but Bella..she gives anyone with an ounce of estrogen a bad name. She’s nothing but a spineless, wet noodle that bitches about her life and how horrible it is. She is a pretty useless bitch of a character.

Now, I don’t mind bitchy female characters. Scarlett O’Hara is a good example. She’s not a pleasant character, but she is plenty interesting. She has something called: a strong will–a quality that Bella will never have.. Sure, Scarlett does lots of underhanded deeds, but..I find the character as a whole refreshing and different from the normal female in literature.

Have a bitchy lead character, but be interesting about it. Give the character good qualities, don’t just have the character be wimpy and a pushover…give the character something that readers can glom onto.

Anita Blake used to be excellent until she started needing sex to live every other chapter in her newer books. *Insert rolling eyes here* Her series used to be so so good, and now it’s pretty crappy.

(But if you do want to read Anita Blake, I recommend stopping at Obsidian Butterfly–the last great Blake book.)

Five Best Movie Fights

In my not-so-humble opinion! Also, in no particular order.

1. Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi vs. Darth Maul. Probably the best thing about Phantom Menace. Ray Park made that fight with his awesome aerobatics and with his intense body movements. He didn’t need to talk; he let his lightsaber do it for him!

2. Jason vs Freddy. I actually liked the part toward the end-ish where Jason had broken free and went after Freddy’s burnt butt. Pretty savage stuff. Personally, I think the Wolverine/Sabertooth fights should have had that edge.

3. Ash vs Own Hand in Evil Dead 2. So…he’s in the middle of the woods with a bunch of demons. Evil bites him in the hand, so what is a man supposed to do? He cuts off his own hand. But it takes on a life of its own. With hilarious and gory results!

4. The Bride and O-Ren Ishii (Kill Bill). Women. Swords. Blood. Lucy Liu almost getting scalped. What’s not to like? (Hey, I’m a blood thirsty soul.)

5. Bruce Lee vs Anyone. Here is an awesome man with so much potential, it really was/is a shame that he left us when he did. I couldn’t narrow it down to one scene, so I included them all.

My blog, my rules. 🙂

Sucky and Unsucky Vampire Movies

By sucky, I mean good.  That’s what vampires are supposed to do, right?  Suck?  So the opposite of that would be unsucky. That, by my new definition, means that a sucky vampire movie is excellent, two fangs up if you are into that, and an unsucky one is bad, a sacriliege of vampiredom.   The movies listed before are in order, from MY favorite to my least favorite…still a good movie, but not quite up to snuff.  I have judged each movie on their beauty, the actors’ skill at portraying their characters, what they add to the mythos of the vampire…that kind of thing. 

Unsucky movies are a combined effort of craptitude and everything that makes a movie…awful.    In the case of one movie on my unsucky list, it’s simply portraying vampires as one-sided villains.    So …enjoy my list!

Sucky

1. Bram Stoker’s Dracula.  This has to be one of the most visually stunning movies, I’ve ever seen.  The acting is wonderful, especially from Gary Oldman, and even Winona did pretty good in it.  It is lavish and seductive and incredibly romantic.  Plus, I like a few of the historical touches of the real Vlad that Francis Ford Coppola put in the movie.  The real Vlad the Impaler’s (One historical figure I am FASCINATED by) did toss herself out of the castle wall, though the reason she did that is a tad unclear. My favorite vampire movie ever.
2. Interview with the Vampire.  Tom Cruise? As Lestat?  Brad Pitt as the whiny, but handsome, vampire Louis  I could understand,  but Cruise? As Lestat? I was dubious at first, but I watched the movie.  Like the movie mentioned above, it was made with much love and attention to the book…in fact IWTV is a very good adaptation of it.  Wonderful, beautiful vamp flick.
3. Lost Boys.   Mmmmmm. A young Kiefer Sutherland. Hot. Wild. Untamable.  But also acted his ass off in this tale of vampires trying to survive in a rural setting. Lol.  No, it’s more of a tale of a young man being seduced into a tribe of uncivilized ruffians.  Yeah, like IWTV, this has some homo-erotic undertones, but it’s still a movie worth watching, especially when you want to get the bad taste of wanna-be vampires …like…say ….Robert Pattinson out of your mouth.
4. The Hamiltons.  I happen to really like this movie.  It’s a story of a family of rather disturbed siblings trying to survive.  It might not be everyone’s pint of blood, though.  I just happen to enjoy the twist.
5. The Wisdom of Crocodiles.   I’m not a big Jude Law fan, but I have to admit his acting was on par with the villian/victim of this film.  I don’t know how a villain can be a victim also, but he pulls it off.

Unsucky Vampire Movies

1. Twilight.  Who else saw that coming? Huh?  Read about 1/3 of the book before I tossed it to the ground in disgust.  So I know the movie will unsuck. Yeah, I haven’t seen it all, but I have seen enough to know that it unsucks for all eternity.
2. Dracula 3000.  If you value your sanity, do not waste your money on this piece of garbage.  It has a 1.8 rating on IMDB.  It unsucks so much, it blows.  Casper Van Dien, you should be ashamed of your hot self. Oh, and fire your agent/manager for letting you star in this.  You are capable of so much more, hottie.
3. Van Helsing.    Love Hugh Jackman.  The dude who plays Dracula,  who is obviously trying to channel Gary Oldman’s performance? Not so much.  It’s a glossy, shiny movie with lots of special effects and not much sense.  Good for a Saturday night with nothing else to do…as long as you pick it apart ala Mystery Science Fiction 3000.
4. Underworld.  Another pretty movie.  It’s not a bad movie, but it really doesn’t explore the vampires in depth, other than to make them look bad.  Lycans rule, vamps drool seems to be the motto of this flick.
5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer.   The movie blew.  It sucked.  So laughably bad….  If you need to see a Buffy in action, go see the TV series, which shouldn’t even bear the name because it is so incredibly better.

Well, that’s all for now.  My hands are tired.   Comments always welcomed!

Friday the 13th

Yes, it is Friday the thirteenth. Not only that, but the new “vision” of the Jason Voorhees saga came out today also.

It wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be. I liked it, actually, as I didn’t go in expecting the Citizen Kane of horror movies. As per usual, it is a morality story that fundamentalists would love : Have sex, do drugs, be sinful and be chopped up by a zombie like killer with mommy issues.

There was much nudity. Much proliferate use of the word bro, and some pretty good acting from the hapless teens. Oh, and marijuana should have gotten a credit in the end title….it was mentioned. A lot. Even got some screen time as a walk on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was a good addition to the Jason series, really, it brought a Jason that could run (!!!) and think…He wasn’t nearly as wooden as he was in the second movie and up. (Spoiler alert: His mother was the killer in the first movie. She was loony.)

And, best of all, there were no annoying teenagers in the theater. Just a bunch of couples. A weird date movie, I’d think, but hey, they kept their yapping to a minimum.

Marley and Me

Lots of people have complained that Marley and Me isn’t really a kids movie because the (SPOILER ALERT) dog dies.

The worse thing a parent can do is shield their kid from the inevitable fact that all life leads to death. Personally, maybe it’s better to learn it from a movie first, then in real life. Besides, Marley and Me is just a movie. Just. A. Movie.

I’ve never believed in keeping life’s secrets and truth from children. Children grow up, ask questions, and when they find out they’ve been told a lie, they begin to disbelieve. It’s better to speak the truth, albeit gently, and get the child used to their ever expanding world, both the good and bad aspects of it.

But don’t be a jerk about exposing young minds to bitter truths. Be thoughtful about it. But don’t be cruel.

It’s important to learn about death, just as much as it is to learn about life.

Holy Homidical Clown, Batman!

I’m going to keep this review short because I don’t trust myself not to accidentally “say” something…

I thought the new Batman movie was great, though it should have been The Psychotic Clown. Really, Heath stole the show. His mania filled the screen and made his presence just pop. Bale seemed a little dull compared to him, but that’s the nature of the Batman. He’s not a very excitable character. Ol’ Bats is compelling, but his character is not as vivid as a certain purple and green clothed villian.

And let’s face it, we’re all fascinated by crazy, fictional characters. The crazier, the better. And brother, you don’t get nuttier than The Joker.

Go see it. But be prepared to pay attention. It’s a multi-layered film and can be a little confusing if you miss a detail. It’s a great movie, though.

‘Roid Rage

So I just saw The Incredible Hulk…and loved it. It was a fun escape from the toils and tribulations of this workaday world.

It’s completely different from Ang Lee’s version–Ang Lee tried to present a more cerebral vision of the brawny green giant and that didn’t exactly pan out. I guess one shouldn’t overthink a character that loves to say, “Hulk SMASH!” That movie, despite its flaws, was beautifully crafted.

This reincarnation of the Hulk is much more in line with America’s fast paced ideas of how a movie should be.

There were plenty of ex-plo-see-ions and a wee bit of romance. Liv Tyler, gorgeous despite her father’s genes, was under utilized and the believability of her character was wilted with lines like: “Don’t do it, Dad.” Maybe her character was supposed to be ineffectual, or maybe I’m just used to spunkier heroines.

The CGI was wonderful. I could see every single pore on the Hulk’s spinach (mmmm….spinach) skin. The expressions, mostly varying degrees of rage but a few sad/tired ones as well, were extremely well detailed. The acting was great as well; Edward Norton pulled off Banner quite nicely. Tim Roth and William Hurt made me really not like their characters, so I suppose they did their jobs.

A few downsides? Well, a couple of the scenes felt cut off too soon, and I was hoping for a certain cameo (Captain America) that I had heard about, but it got cut from the movie. Darn it.

All in all, The Incredible Hulk is a fan-frickin-tastic movie. I liked Iron Man better, but this is definitely one movie that I’ll add to my DVD collection. Provided our economy–and civilization–is still around in a few months.

In Short…

Sweeney Todd + Tim Burton = homicidal awesomeness.  Yeah, I borrowed that word from the ISB.** What’s that blogger gonna do to me? Give me paper cuts from horrible, outdated, misogynistic comic books? I kid, I kid.

In truth, there IS a hero in this movie, but it ain’t Sweeney. Duh, I know.  And it ain’t Mrs. Lovett with her lovely meat pies… It’s the orphan that Mrs. Lovett takes in. Ooops. I’ve already said too much. 

I do feel a certain amount of sympathy for the titular character, but  he may have gone a little overboard with the killing and the singing whilst elbow deep in blood. (Obviously fake.  Real blood is darker, especially coming from an artery.***

Yes. This is a musical. With blood. Lots of arterial spray all over the place.   I guess that means even manly men can watch and enjoy the spectacle of this movie. It’s bloodier than I expected, and even darker than most of Burton’s films, but it is a good film.

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**If you are a comics fan, this blog is a daily MUST read.

***Don’t ask me how I know. I’ll have to show you! I joke.  (As far as YOU know.)