Keep Fighting!

“Love comes to those who still hope even though they’ve been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they’ve been betrayed, to those who still love even though they’ve been hurt before.”

I like this quote. Don’t know who wrote it, or I’d give them credit, but it’s inspirational. It made me smile and think and try to regain a sense of hope.

I struggle with depression and anxiety. I am quite throughly neurotic. I do have some OCD behaviors, I am not perfect. I whine, I bitch, I go on an emotional rampage from time to time. I complain. I sink so low in my own self doubt that I can’t see the sun.

I struggle against the sense of my own inadequacies of self and talent, of being to drag out my thoughts and polish them up to offer people hope, of not being alone, of being able to connect to others. It’s hard. I kind of think of depression as a thick, vicous tarry substance that holds me immobile, while the dark thoughts keep sticking to me.

Keep Your Promise…Or Don’t Promise At All

It’s just been one of those days where nothing is right. Nothing I do or say is right. It makes me curl up into a fetus position and just want to vanish. Poof! Yeah. That kind of day right there. Yesterday was bad too. Tomorrow? It’s another day, full of potential, either good or malicious.

Also, I have to add, I get tired of people’s promises to do this or follow through with that. Words are cheap. From now on, I want action. My new motto is: Don’t tell me, show me. If you can’t, let me know. Everything, honest, will be cool. Just don’t say it then give up on what you intend to do. Otherwise, I’ll start to think you’re flakey and unreliable. You don’t want that.

I have a tendency to move on from friends that consistently are unreliable. Can’t trust them, so there’s no basis for friendship. Without trust, there is no relationship. I have been burned many times before, and I Why do I always seem to attract oddly flucuating ( by flucuating, I mean vacilating…or is it ..unstable..Yeah, that’s the word!) people? I know I’ve asked that question before.

Maybe it really is me. Maybe I just hold people to unattainable standards….or…..I just live in some weird world with weird expectations.

I’m tired of hoping.

Much Nonsense about Nothing

I’ve always been fascinated with military folks. I know more than a few, and without a doubt, they are some of the finest people I’ve ever had the priviledge of meeting. Veterans deserve our respect and our help. Many of them, if not all, come home with various degrees of post traumatic stress disorder…and believe me, that isn’t fun.

Maybe it’s the discipline that I like. Or the uniforms. *shrug*. I’m a strange one, that’s for sure. Or maybe I’m just fascinated by the strength it takes to be so focused.

They need us to support them while they get acclimated to civilian life again…I can’t even begin to imagine what they went through. I can’t imagine what they’ve seen or just how they now see the world. Will what they’ve been through change their family? How will their experiences affect their kids, especially being gone for so long. Yes, Mr. Cynical—you know who you are, I know the soldiers have made a committment, but they are still entitled to children and the pursuit of happiness.

I want to tell them “Thank you” for their service, keeping my thoughts about politics to myself, since they really don’t matter in the long run.

Thanks, Julie! *Hugs*

And viva la vodka!

Zombie Computer

Things are weird with my computer….I just found a BUNCH of level ones on my World of Warcraft account—all with really odd names.

I don’t know…I think my computer itself has been hacked…I’ve had problems in other areas too. But…I did a virus scan and nothing showed up. It is really, really odd and more than a little nerve wracking.

I wonder what I did or didn’t do…I wonder where I went on the internet to bring this on my poor little computer.

I Hate This Book….Twilight

Twilight By Stephanie Meyer

Twilight has quite possibly the most annoying lead female character. Ever. Even more annoying than …well, Hermione Granger. Or Lisa Simpson at the peak of her case of know-it-all-itis. It’s more than Bella Swan–hideous name– being annoying…she’s not interesting. She’s blah, meh and craptacular all rolled up into one teenybopper package.

Really, this book is pure drivel. I couldn’t even make it halfway through before throwing it to the floor in self loathing. A pox! A pox on that book. I have never hated a book as much as I hate this one. It’s…just horrible. I can’t believe I wasted six whole bucks on it.

There are no likeable characters (I know, I know..I like the Punisher, but at least I can see where he came from. Hey, at least he’s interesting too.) that entice me to care for them. And if I don’t like the characters, I’m not going to enjoy the book. And if that book serves as romantic inspiration for young women…. I feel sorry for the men they’ll meet.

This novel has either been written by a hack….or a thousand monkeys high on crack. You pick what you want…but I’m going with the latter.

To anyone that likes this book, hip hip hooray….it’s just not my cup of crack tea.

There are two choices in life: give up or fight like hell.

I choose to fight like hell.

I choose to fight this dry posting patch with everything I have cause that’s how I roll. Honestly, it’s driving me N-U-T-S!

Really. Well, unless I want to talk about my other kind of writing. Nyah. Not right now, anyway.

Anyway, if my reader has questions he’d like to ask me, go ahead. I desperately need some material. Hell, I’ll even do memes.

*sigh*

Oh, I’m losing weight. That’s a good thing?  Not according to my baggy clothes….

 

 

Cubicles Say A Lot

Cubicles are reflections of the people that dwell within. Some have nothing personal in them, and some are full of Simpson and X-Men toys figurines. (Hey, how did ya figure out that last one was mine?) Here’s a couple of interpretations of the personalities that have been forced to occupy a cubicle:

Bare Bones:

This person does not want to share any interests with their co-workers. They prefer to keep everything to themselves. They aren’t necessarily bad people, just rather stand offish…they aren’t looking to make friends around the office.

Lots of Family/Friend Photos:

These people are very family oriented; they care about others. They tend to be gregarious and out-going. They take pleasure in connecting with people.

Pop Culture Cubes:

These folks are making a statement with their preferred decor; people just have to be smart enough to decipher it. A co-worker that has a Simpsons theme, let’s say, is clearly intelligent and sophisticated. With a HINT of smartassery. But not too much. They make interesting co-workers. (Heh. Totally unbiased opinion.)

Messy Cubes:

Clutter is a sign of a disorganized mind. (I should know, my mind is slightly disorganized!) They usually are pretty friendly, but sometimes it takes them awhile to find what they are looking for, which can be frustrating.

That’s all I can think of for now. I’m sorry that I haven’t posting as much lately, but I have been mega busy. Well, I’ve either been really busy or in a bleh state of mind.

Vogue…no wait, I mean Vague

My real life, slow. My online life? Taking off. I seem to be very popular. Ok, so maybe not on this blog, but my fellow roleplayers love me. I love nerdboys; they are so sweet. No, I really do. If I ever met one in real life, we’d have conversations worth having. Like….Superman is so over-rated…and what is Comic Book Man’s real name. (Louis Lane, so I’ve heard.)

Even if they like polar bear punching or taking Silver Age comic blurbs out of context. Well, I guess that’s not sweet. That’s comedy gold, people. And I love me some comedy gold.

As far as comics, it’s sooo sooo hard to keep up on what’s going on. I’d love to buy comics, and the guilt would drive me mad if I downloaded them, but the economy going the way it’s going…well, I can’t afford to right now. So I live vicariously through people like Chris.

How sad, huh?

But other than the economy, life’s pretty good. I have about a thousand books in my house to read, I have my trusty ol’ Xbox, and of course, my computer.

And you, my reader, to torment with vague posts.

 

Ask Aunt Val

This a fake (FAKE, I tell you) advice column with made up questions, written by my cranktacular alter ego, Aunt Valkyrie.

Dear Aunt Val,

I like to flirt with a guy over IM. We met over Yahoogroups. I know it’s not going anywhere; it’s just a harmless little flirtation on my end. But is it ok to continue it? Am I stringing him along?

Shy To Flirt with U

Dear STFU,

(Heh)

You sound like a rather shy young lady. Flirt away with the young man and use it as a sharpening stone for real life. This could be a good opportunity to clarify some important social skills. Flirting is good and fun….and nothing to be embarrassed about. Sharpen up those skills…then venture into the real world and flirt up a storm.

But….ask yourself if you are promising him something that you can’t/won’t give. If you are…then you are stringing him along. And that’s wrong.

But don’t do what we Valkyries do when we want a man….knock one over the head and drag ’em up to Valhalla. Just kidding. Maybe.

Dear Aunt Val,

Should I invest with the stocks down?

Confused About Investing

Dear CAI,

How should I know? I’m the viking’s version of an Angel. I know nothing about investing and crap. Go ask a financial analyst…or someone like that.  Or try asking a squirrel how it saves nuts for the winter.

I’m flattered, though, that you’d think I could help with that.

Dear Aunt Val,

My blog seems to be stagnating, lost in cyber time and space. I don’t know what to do!

Dazed and Confuzzled

Dear DC,

Like any relationship, you have to find ways to keep it fresh and exciting. I suggest coming up with a fake advice column.  Sometimes, it’s a real struggle to come up with something to write.  You will fall flat on your booty, or do an epic fail.  It’s ok to not be the world’s most prolific writer, just try to find a way to communicate with a small percentage of people.

Feeling pressure kills the joy of writing.  Just take your time.

My Birthday….

I knew this day was going to be interesting when my car beeped, “Low Fuel, Will Robinson, Low FUEL.” Yeah, I was on my way home from work when that happened. So I pulled into a gas station and bought one gallon of gas…with all money that was left on my card.

“I’d …uh…like one gallon of gas.” I said, bashfully.

“One gallon of gas?” The clerk’s eyebrow rose.

“Yes, one gallon. Please.” Yes, it was a little embarrassing to pay for one measely gallon. But $2.00 was all I had. (Ok, 3….but don’t tell ARCO…)

It sucks to be poor. Well, one more week until I get paid. Then I can buy two gallons of gas. Whee!

Then, my parents had invited me out to have lunch with them at a restaraunt. Things were going fine until a kid in the table next to ours went into a seizure. Seeing someone suffer from a seizure is not fun, let me tell you.

The paramedics came in and, after stablizing the young kid,,,, carted him off in an ambulance. Depressing and subduing…. My birthday was certainly interesting…